Do You Still Love Me?

It has been quite a while since I last went out to party. After giving birth to my 2nd one, I am like being grounded 24/7. It's really difficult to actually be alone when you have 2 big responsibilities in life. Well, today he left for work in Penang, so I thought I might as well go out and release a bit of stress. I called Jee and we went out for a drink.

People has been telling me how good I look after having the 2nd baby. I felt it too. I know I am prettier in some ways. I am glad being 30 and still attractive.

I stepped into the club, and wow, I am so outdated. Everything is so different, different from the time I went out. I kind of felt being in another world. But it was okay. Guys talk to me and I kind of enjoyed a little. I drank a bit, not to extend of puking. I'm sober. Whenever I am out, I tend to look around. What is it that I'm looking for? *Giggle*. I'm trying to find him, I have always thought of seeing him, but slim chance, he never like these places. He always say he is too old for these.

Anyway, as I was taking a sip of the bourbon, I felt a pat on my shoulder. I turned around to see Harry. I was speechless. He came so close to my ear and said, "I finally found you." I stood there stunt for 10 seconds before collecting myself.

I dont know how we ended in the cafe upstairs chatting over a cup of tea. After an hour of talking, exchanging informations, I still cant answer his question of why I changed my number. Finally, he asked again.

H: Why did you change your number?

M: I don't know. Please understand. It's really difficult for me to contact you anymore.

H: Why cant we still be friends? You know the last thing I want is to not see you.

M: I know, but does it matter now? You are married and so am I

H: Married cannot have friends?

M: Harry, I know it's not right to say these, but I still love you a lot. I do, even now that I have 2 kids. It's really hard for me to continue seeing you as this will make me feel really bad - not being able to be with you. I dont know how you 'men' feel towards these, but for me, I just cant.

H: Sorry for hurting you again.

M: You are not hurting me. I love to see you, I feel great with you. If possible I want to be with you 24/7, but everything is just not right. We have missed the chance years ago. I have always thought, what would it be like if I see you again. I'm too afraid to meet you. I know it'll take years for me to put you down again.

H: Ok I understand.

M: There is just one thing I want to ask. Do you still love me?

H: Does it matter?

M: Yes it does to me.

H: Whether it's a yes or no, you will still feel as hurt, so why want to know?

M: You are right. I will never know the answer. Maybe it's better this way

H: Can I send you home? Since you are not driving

M: Sure

Wow, I didnt even realised it's so late. The clock shows 2am. We went into his car and not a word was spoken. It's funny. What's on both our minds? What were we both thinking at that moment? We stopped at a traffic light. I turned to him and said, "Can I have a hug?"

He gave me a big hug. We hugged so much, I didnt want to let him go. My face was so close to his. Unconsciously, I moved my cheek to his. It felt so great, so warm. He kissed me. I dont know how we ended kissing each other. He touched me, it felt so good. It has been such a long while...

"Shall we?" he asked.

I nodded, I did get the answer after all...

The Ticket

jmh"Please send this ticket to xxxxxxx, Melaka Raya"

I left the travel agent and head home to pack my stuffs. I took my passport and luggage, went downstairs and I was on the way to the airport. I check in and had coffee at a cafe in the terminal. At the sip of the caffeine-drink, I thought to myself, am I really right to be where I am now? I had signed the divorce letter just last week and now I'm in the airport waiting to fly off to Perth.

Well, if you think you are not in the right route, it is better to end it now than later. That's my philosophy though. Then the last call woke me up. I quickly run to my departure gate. I just wish the seat next to mine is empty. I opened the newspaper and looked at it blankly. I was reading line by line but nothing seemed to go into my brains.

Good enough, the seat was empty. I put my bags on the next seat, put on my earphone and started listening to the songs. At that moment I was thinking whether he will come over, when will he come? Do I have to wait forever? Thank god i brought a book, I know it's going to be a long and boring 5 hour flight.

When I arrived at the airport, I checked into Burswood Hotel. I opened the curtains to find the greatest view of the golf course. I have actually checked on my mobile phone almost a thousand times since I arrived.

These few days here, I have been so relaxed. I have no worries and my mind was for once free of thoughts. It has been such a long time since I came to Perth. It almost 10 years since I graduated. Not much changes though. Fremantle's seafood chowder tasted the same. The oysters were fresh as always. Nice nice place.

I have been here for the past 5 days, still no sign of him. Well, I have actually bought him a ticket to come see me. Well, at least he should have the courtesy to call and let me know if he is not coming over. At around 7pm, while I was in the bathroom taking my bath, I heard my phone rang. i quickly grabbed the towel and ran out. I answered, but the caller had hung up. Oh god, damn. Who is he? Is it him? Should I call him? When is he going to call back?

Suddenly the message beep prompted. I recalled the voice message which went...

'Hi, it's me, can you call me back? I don't know what you mean?"

Don't know what I meant? What else can you do with a flight ticket? Do you think I buy it for fun? Should I return his call? I thought I might as well send him an sms.

'hi, nice to finally get your call. I will be waiting for you in King's Park, at the big clock. 4pm where all the parrots are.'

Wow, right after that I off my phone. I wanted to make this more exciting.