Do You Still Love Me?

It has been quite a while since I last went out to party. After giving birth to my 2nd one, I am like being grounded 24/7. It's really difficult to actually be alone when you have 2 big responsibilities in life. Well, today he left for work in Penang, so I thought I might as well go out and release a bit of stress. I called Jee and we went out for a drink.

People has been telling me how good I look after having the 2nd baby. I felt it too. I know I am prettier in some ways. I am glad being 30 and still attractive.

I stepped into the club, and wow, I am so outdated. Everything is so different, different from the time I went out. I kind of felt being in another world. But it was okay. Guys talk to me and I kind of enjoyed a little. I drank a bit, not to extend of puking. I'm sober. Whenever I am out, I tend to look around. What is it that I'm looking for? *Giggle*. I'm trying to find him, I have always thought of seeing him, but slim chance, he never like these places. He always say he is too old for these.

Anyway, as I was taking a sip of the bourbon, I felt a pat on my shoulder. I turned around to see Harry. I was speechless. He came so close to my ear and said, "I finally found you." I stood there stunt for 10 seconds before collecting myself.

I dont know how we ended in the cafe upstairs chatting over a cup of tea. After an hour of talking, exchanging informations, I still cant answer his question of why I changed my number. Finally, he asked again.

H: Why did you change your number?

M: I don't know. Please understand. It's really difficult for me to contact you anymore.

H: Why cant we still be friends? You know the last thing I want is to not see you.

M: I know, but does it matter now? You are married and so am I

H: Married cannot have friends?

M: Harry, I know it's not right to say these, but I still love you a lot. I do, even now that I have 2 kids. It's really hard for me to continue seeing you as this will make me feel really bad - not being able to be with you. I dont know how you 'men' feel towards these, but for me, I just cant.

H: Sorry for hurting you again.

M: You are not hurting me. I love to see you, I feel great with you. If possible I want to be with you 24/7, but everything is just not right. We have missed the chance years ago. I have always thought, what would it be like if I see you again. I'm too afraid to meet you. I know it'll take years for me to put you down again.

H: Ok I understand.

M: There is just one thing I want to ask. Do you still love me?

H: Does it matter?

M: Yes it does to me.

H: Whether it's a yes or no, you will still feel as hurt, so why want to know?

M: You are right. I will never know the answer. Maybe it's better this way

H: Can I send you home? Since you are not driving

M: Sure

Wow, I didnt even realised it's so late. The clock shows 2am. We went into his car and not a word was spoken. It's funny. What's on both our minds? What were we both thinking at that moment? We stopped at a traffic light. I turned to him and said, "Can I have a hug?"

He gave me a big hug. We hugged so much, I didnt want to let him go. My face was so close to his. Unconsciously, I moved my cheek to his. It felt so great, so warm. He kissed me. I dont know how we ended kissing each other. He touched me, it felt so good. It has been such a long while...

"Shall we?" he asked.

I nodded, I did get the answer after all...