This is so wrong #2

After that night, everything went back to normal. We were still good friend who go drink and eat.

On another occassion, we went out to celebrate Tim's promotion. We were drinking, but that day I drank extra a little. I went to the toilet and when I came out, I saw Jay. He just came out from the men's. I suddenly tripped and fell to his arms. We were so close, we have never been that close. He held me close, and his face came closer. I can feel him breathing. He kissed me, I didnt push him away. I held him closer. When I got back to my senses, I pushed him away. "This is so wrong." I said.
He looked at me and said, "Yes, it's wrong, but it felt so right." I turned and before I walked away, he added "It's not June, isn't it?" I looked him in the eyes, "It doesn't matter, does it?"

I went out and downed a glass of brandy. I told them I needed to leave early. I went home. Once I reached home, I put my phone on airplane mode. I didn't want any calls. I need to recollect my thoughts. Did I really call him to tell him I like him the other night? When did all these started? I have always kept the distance. I never would start something that has no ending. How am I suppose to face him again? But he was right, it really felt so right.

For the next few days, I appeared offline on all social networking or chat that I have. Whatsapp was off too. Jay did called, but either I don't pick up or I just tell him I was busy.

Then again, we have too many mutual friends. It's Jane's son's birthday, and obviously we were both invited. And I never miss kids' birthdays. I just hope that he doesn't go. I don't feel good seeing his children and his wife. What am I suppose to do?

I reached early as usual. I love taking pictures of kids' birthday parties. Surprising, Jay came alone. Did he read my mind? Why would he come to a kid's party without his children? I tried to be occupied. I tried to be busy. I went around snapping pictures of all the children, until I have nothing more to shoot. Jane asked me to sit and rest for a while. I have no choice, I sat there, right across Jay. I know he was looking at me, but I avoid any eye contact with him. And suddenly I felt hungry, I went to grab some food, and when I turned, he was there. "Are you avoiding me?" I don't know what to say. "Why are you avoiding me? When are you gonna start answering my calls?"

Oh my god, I replied, "Ok, please, don't talk about this here. I don't want to talk about this."
"Talk about what? We are not talking at all. What is the 'this' that you are refering to? I'm asking you a question."
"Ok, can we talk this somewhere else? Dinner tomorrow."
"Where? Time?"
"Same place, 730"

Before going to bed that day, I thought, should I go? Should I really talk to him? I am no good at talking, maybe I should just find him on MSN and chat from there, or just whatsapp him. I don't want to look him in the eyes. I went to my computer, find him nowhere - MSN nor FB. Whatsapp him, no reply. *Damn*