This is so wrong #3

The clock was ticking. It was 630pm, I was still at home, not changed. The whole of today, I don't see him anywhere online. Where is he? He doesn't want me to get hold of him, so that I can't cancel tonight's dinner. Smart. He knows me so well.
At 715pm, I finally got up to put on my jeans and off I went. As I opened the door, I found him seated at our usual table. I sat, he looked at me. He looked so deep into my eyes as if he can see through me. "I thought you would never come." "I was only 15 minutes late. Is that very long?" "You know what I mean. Anyway... I'm glad you came. Let's order first."

I didnt eat much though. My mind was filled with thoughts. I was preparing answers for the potential questions from him. "So, is it me?" interrupted my thoughts. Wow, I didn't expect that question, and I didnt prepare any answer for that. I continued eating, as if I didnt hear. "Hello, hello..." I looked up, he was looking at me, "Is it me?"

ME: It doesnt matter.
HE: It does to me.
ME: What are you trying to get out of this? There is nothing, it doesnt matter. Please just forget about this and move on. Can?
HE: No. Just tell me.
He is forever that persistant.
ME: One - You have a family. Two - James & you are good friends.
HE: Why are you always putting others in front? Can't you just be selfish? You are already divorced, why do you still care how people think of you? Why can't you just think for yourself?
ME: I have.
HE: You have not, if you have, why don't you just be with the guy you like?
ME: Because I can't. I don't want to be a bitch who breaks up a family.
HE: The family is already broken
ME: Whether or not it's broken, it's still a family now. I don't want to be blamed.
HE: WTF

Silence filled the air. For the rest of the dinner, no words were spoken, no eyes were met. He then ordered a bottle of single malt. We drank through the night. We kind of understand, have a mutual understanding about the relationship we have. It will never change. He still treats me good, I will still care for him. As we drank, we started talking again. Nothing on that, just like old days. Talk whatever rubbish, laugh at silly jokes. We were too drunk to drive separate cars. So i hopped into his car. He drove me home.

When we reached, he walked me up as usual. I opened the door and went in, before I closed the doors behind me, he pulled me back into his arms. He stared me in the eyes... I pull him closer and kissed him. He kissed me so hard, I wanted him so much. He moved to my ears and whispered, "Can you be selfish for once?"