Do You Still Love Me?

It has been quite a while since I last went out to party. After giving birth to my 2nd one, I am like being grounded 24/7. It's really difficult to actually be alone when you have 2 big responsibilities in life. Well, today he left for work in Penang, so I thought I might as well go out and release a bit of stress. I called Jee and we went out for a drink.

People has been telling me how good I look after having the 2nd baby. I felt it too. I know I am prettier in some ways. I am glad being 30 and still attractive.

I stepped into the club, and wow, I am so outdated. Everything is so different, different from the time I went out. I kind of felt being in another world. But it was okay. Guys talk to me and I kind of enjoyed a little. I drank a bit, not to extend of puking. I'm sober. Whenever I am out, I tend to look around. What is it that I'm looking for? *Giggle*. I'm trying to find him, I have always thought of seeing him, but slim chance, he never like these places. He always say he is too old for these.

Anyway, as I was taking a sip of the bourbon, I felt a pat on my shoulder. I turned around to see Harry. I was speechless. He came so close to my ear and said, "I finally found you." I stood there stunt for 10 seconds before collecting myself.

I dont know how we ended in the cafe upstairs chatting over a cup of tea. After an hour of talking, exchanging informations, I still cant answer his question of why I changed my number. Finally, he asked again.

H: Why did you change your number?

M: I don't know. Please understand. It's really difficult for me to contact you anymore.

H: Why cant we still be friends? You know the last thing I want is to not see you.

M: I know, but does it matter now? You are married and so am I

H: Married cannot have friends?

M: Harry, I know it's not right to say these, but I still love you a lot. I do, even now that I have 2 kids. It's really hard for me to continue seeing you as this will make me feel really bad - not being able to be with you. I dont know how you 'men' feel towards these, but for me, I just cant.

H: Sorry for hurting you again.

M: You are not hurting me. I love to see you, I feel great with you. If possible I want to be with you 24/7, but everything is just not right. We have missed the chance years ago. I have always thought, what would it be like if I see you again. I'm too afraid to meet you. I know it'll take years for me to put you down again.

H: Ok I understand.

M: There is just one thing I want to ask. Do you still love me?

H: Does it matter?

M: Yes it does to me.

H: Whether it's a yes or no, you will still feel as hurt, so why want to know?

M: You are right. I will never know the answer. Maybe it's better this way

H: Can I send you home? Since you are not driving

M: Sure

Wow, I didnt even realised it's so late. The clock shows 2am. We went into his car and not a word was spoken. It's funny. What's on both our minds? What were we both thinking at that moment? We stopped at a traffic light. I turned to him and said, "Can I have a hug?"

He gave me a big hug. We hugged so much, I didnt want to let him go. My face was so close to his. Unconsciously, I moved my cheek to his. It felt so great, so warm. He kissed me. I dont know how we ended kissing each other. He touched me, it felt so good. It has been such a long while...

"Shall we?" he asked.

I nodded, I did get the answer after all...

The Ticket

jmh"Please send this ticket to xxxxxxx, Melaka Raya"

I left the travel agent and head home to pack my stuffs. I took my passport and luggage, went downstairs and I was on the way to the airport. I check in and had coffee at a cafe in the terminal. At the sip of the caffeine-drink, I thought to myself, am I really right to be where I am now? I had signed the divorce letter just last week and now I'm in the airport waiting to fly off to Perth.

Well, if you think you are not in the right route, it is better to end it now than later. That's my philosophy though. Then the last call woke me up. I quickly run to my departure gate. I just wish the seat next to mine is empty. I opened the newspaper and looked at it blankly. I was reading line by line but nothing seemed to go into my brains.

Good enough, the seat was empty. I put my bags on the next seat, put on my earphone and started listening to the songs. At that moment I was thinking whether he will come over, when will he come? Do I have to wait forever? Thank god i brought a book, I know it's going to be a long and boring 5 hour flight.

When I arrived at the airport, I checked into Burswood Hotel. I opened the curtains to find the greatest view of the golf course. I have actually checked on my mobile phone almost a thousand times since I arrived.

These few days here, I have been so relaxed. I have no worries and my mind was for once free of thoughts. It has been such a long time since I came to Perth. It almost 10 years since I graduated. Not much changes though. Fremantle's seafood chowder tasted the same. The oysters were fresh as always. Nice nice place.

I have been here for the past 5 days, still no sign of him. Well, I have actually bought him a ticket to come see me. Well, at least he should have the courtesy to call and let me know if he is not coming over. At around 7pm, while I was in the bathroom taking my bath, I heard my phone rang. i quickly grabbed the towel and ran out. I answered, but the caller had hung up. Oh god, damn. Who is he? Is it him? Should I call him? When is he going to call back?

Suddenly the message beep prompted. I recalled the voice message which went...

'Hi, it's me, can you call me back? I don't know what you mean?"

Don't know what I meant? What else can you do with a flight ticket? Do you think I buy it for fun? Should I return his call? I thought I might as well send him an sms.

'hi, nice to finally get your call. I will be waiting for you in King's Park, at the big clock. 4pm where all the parrots are.'

Wow, right after that I off my phone. I wanted to make this more exciting.

Welcome Home

I was waiting for him in his house. As usual, he'll only arrive in KL in the late afternoon. Today, he called telling me that he won't reach KL until evening. A little disappointed, but it's okay, as long as he comes.

I went to shop for some groceries, thought we might as well stay home for dinner. I prepared everything and at around six-ish, I went to the kitchen to start cooking. Today pasta's on the menu. About half an hour later, I heard the opening of the door knob.

"Darling, I'm home." He came into the kitchen, with his hands hiding behind. When he saw me, he handed over a big bouquet of flowers. I always think that it's a waste of money, but once in a while, a girl needs these. I hugged and gave him a kiss. I retreated, as I was all sweating and I needed to get my dinner done. But he held me so hard, he didn't want to let go off me.

He started to kiss me all over. I told him, I was not ready, I was so sweaty and eeky. He said it was okay, as long as it's me. Just be me. Although the stove was off, nothing stopped us from having hot & steamy sex.

I guess dinner can wait after all...

My Home

Upon arriving at his hometown I called him. I have always loved Melaka, even way before I knew him. I loved the olden days stuffs. Not to say i can afford all those antiques, but I just love them. All I can do is look. Being in a historical state really makes me feel more alive. Do I really belong here? Am I meant to be here?

Me - Hey, I'm here. Where are you?

He - I'm drinking with the guys. Come join us.

Me - I don't think so. You guys go ahead, I will wait for you at home

He - Why not? Come over. It's just us.

Me - No, I think it's kind of not convenient for me to be there. Then they will restrict their talks. I will wait for you, meanwhile I go out with your mum.

He - It's okay, just come, I want to see you.

That is why I always love him. He always make me feel important, feel wanted. Without much hesistation, I drove straight to the cafe. When he saw me, he came over to me and gave me a hug. I kissed him back. Then we talked a while.

After that, my phone rang. It was aunty (his mum). She asked me where was I and was concerned why I was still not there. She was worried. I told her I was held back by her precious son. She asked if I wanted to go jogging with her. I looked at Harry, he shook his head. I was surprised, as he always loved it when I go out with his mum. I still remember him telling me it would be nice if I accompany his mum for her daily routine walk up the hill. He added that I might loose to his mum if we race up the hill. He loves his mum that I sometimes get jealous. But I understand the fact that no one can substitute a mother.

Anyway, I told aunty that I can't join her as we had something on, but we will join her for dinner. After hanging up, I asked Harry why. He said it has been a week since he saw me, he wanted to spend more time with me. So sweet, I thought. It was really difficult to live so far apart. Actually to think of it, it isn't really that far after all, but sometimes when you are in love, even if you live next to each other, it seemed like it's million miles away.

I just love him.

Meet After A Long While

I was all dressed up to join the guys for a drink. I always drive, to avoid me getting too much drink. I went in and greeted everyone I know. James always want me to start seeing someone. He was more worried than myself. Well, after the divorce, I thought I might just live alone for a while before getting attached again. I am so fine with living alone with my son. I don't know why James always think that I shouldn't tell anyone that I have a kid. He believes, as a man, it's really difficult for them to accept a woman with a kid.

Well, I totally disagree with him. I always tell him, "If he cannot accept the love of my life (my son), he doesn't deserve having me." That is one thing I can assure. Anyway, I have not thought of being with anyone, just yet.

We were as usual enjoying our drinks and sharing any issues we can think of. James told me that he has someone really good that he wants to introduce to me. I told him it's a waste of time. I don't mind having another friend, but the commitment thing can be left aside.

I had a funny feeling. Don't know why, maybe it's the lady-instinct. We ladies have sixth sense, whether or not you believe. I looked at the entrance and sawa familiar face. He was tall and well-built. I was collecting my mind of who he is. It can't be him. He doesn't come to places like these, it's too noisy. He looked different, more handsome, more manly.

I looked at him as he walked to me. He smiled and held out his hand "Long time no see." I can feel my jaw on the floor, my eyes were as big as a lychee, my face was burning like the barbeque. Suddenly the whole room was empty, just him & I. This moment lasted for almost 10 seconds, but it felt like 10 hours.

James' pat brought me back. I looked at Harry and said, "Yes, very long indeed." He gave me a hug I longed for. James was surprised we knew each other way before him. It doesn't matter though.

A lot of talking and I was dumbed. Everyone was so surprised that I didn't speak much. Not like me at all. I couldn't focus on anything else, but him. Soon, I couldn't stand it anymore, I walked up to him and pulled him aside. I wanted to have some time alone with him.

Harry - Hey how are you? How's your husband & any kids yet?

I know he knows a lot about me from James, but still he is someone who wants confirmation.

Me - Well, I am great. I'm divorced..... with a son.

H - Ohhh, really, why? When was that?

M - About 3 months ago, I didnt call you cause I was afraid you might be seeing someone.

Silence.

M - So how's life? Are you seeing someone special?

H - Yes.

My heart wanted to fall out. But again, I forced out a smile.

M - That's nice, she must be so lucky.

H - I guessed so.

M - So where is she? Why isn't she here?

H - She is.

M - Really? Aren't you gonna introduce us? Or are you afraid I might create a scene here?

H - You know her. Just go into the toilet and look into the mirror.

I stood up and hugged him so hard. I whispered into his ear "I missed you so much, please make love to me."

We left everyone behind...