Enough to know #2

It has been weeks since I last saw him, or even spoke to him.

Everytime I start my skype, I would hope for him to message me, but zero. He has been fairly quiet on FB too.
It was another rainy afternoon, people said you tend to think more when it rains, when the skies are grey. I agree, I went to make myself a cup of warm coffee. When I got back, my skype was blinking with 2 unread messages, I clicked on it. It's from Dor. The first line was Hi, the second How are you?

ME: wow, what a way to break the ice. Hi, and I'm good.
HE: Have been busy lately
ME: Real busy or pretend busy?
HE: Real, and now I'm resting having a coffee, so I message you
ME: I see, so privilege of me.
HE: So? What's up?
ME: Nothing much, work, kids, friends, drink and drunk
*Dor is typing...* Before he finish his typing, I wrote...
ME: I miss you
and logged off skype

I didnt know what to expect from him and I didnt know what to answer him again, but I couldnt help telling him that. And that's when my phone beeped. It was a message from him. "Why did you log out" No reply.

It's almost 7, and I'm late to meet Tee in Bays. It was supposed to be a 530 happy hour, but I was caught up at work. When I reached, I walked in and I saw a familiar face. Dor was there. I was surprised. "How come you are here?" Tee said he called to ask her where she was, and there he was.

I smiled to him. We drank and talked and laughed like before. When Tee went to the ladies, I asked him again why was he there. He said, "You said you miss me, so here I am for you to see." We both smiled.

There is something that we both understand. Yes we like each other, but that's it. Nothing more. We will not go any further. We understand the feeling between us, and it felt good.

Enough to know #1

After the divorce, I have been really closed to Dor. Even before the divorce, we were close friends, we share a lot and all. Now that I am single again, I tend to go out more. I would join anyone who goes out for a drink, or a dinner or just whatever.

So once in a while, I would join Dor for drinks, and would end up in massages, or sometimes we would just drink while having out foot reflexology. Things were fine, we were who we are. We know there is a line in between us, and nothing goes beyond that line.

One night as usual, we went for a drink with some friends, and there happened to be a new guy. He paid extra attention to me. He looked interested in me. He started talking to me. And soon everyone left, only Dor, Beet and me were there. I went to the ladies, and when I got out, I overheard Beet asking Dor if there were anything between us. I thought I heard wrongly, I just went in and they stopped. So we left.

From that night on, Dor has been avoiding me. No skype, no messages, no calls. He would give me excuses like busy. There must be something... So after 2 weeks of giving me a cold shoulder, I finally messaged him, asked him to come out for dinner and he better do!

He did. We sat there with food and drinks in between us. Not much talking, well I should say, only I did the talking, all he did was nod. He did not look me in the eye either. Strange.

ME: Is there anything wrong? What's gotten into you?
HE: Nothing.
ME: If you are still giving me a one word answer, you can just leave.
*silence*
ME: Is it something Beet said the other night at Ventures?
His eyes grew bigger.
ME: Yup, I think he is right, I think I have feelings for you. And that's really weird. I dont mind you not liking me, but for you to ignore me like this, it's really bad. If you are still gonna keep quiet... that's it. I'll see you again. Bye
I got up and went out of the restaurant.

He came running from behind and held my hand. He looked at me and said, "Don't do that."
ME: Do what?
HE: Just leave like that.
ME: You are very funny, I was in there talking to you for the past 2 hours, all I got was yes, yup, ya. and now you are telling me not to do that? It's ok. I can live with it.
HE: If there is nothing... I wouldnt avoid you... but it's just not right, I just can't.
He held my hands, and he was looking into my eyes. And this time, it was me who felt uncomfortable.
ME: Yup, I know what you mean. This is enough for me to know. Will just keep a distance for a while.

We just know Part 2

I had a good sleep, when I woke up it was already 10. Gin was not at the next bed, must have gone diving. I laid there on the bed recalling what happened last night, was it a dream or did it really happen? Dam marijuana. 

I got up and changed and left the room with my phone and the paperback I had yet to finish. I decided not to call Dor yet. I sat there at the corner and ordered my ala carte breakfast. I opened the book and thought I can have a me-time for a while. The thoughts of last night, of Dor came interrupting. When I looked at my watch, for the past 10 minutes I was holding my book, I was reading the same line over and over. 

Suddenly there was a voice behind me. "Hey, why didnt wake me?" 

Sigh, I really dont know how to reply or what to say. I really like him. I do. But it just felt so wrong. 

He : Hey, where is the Cordon Bleu?

Me: Ermm, I'm not drinking today.

He: I'm just asking, not asking you to drink. Why? You scared of me?

Damn, I felt myself blushing. And we just continue talking and eating. 

When the both of them came up after their first dive of the day, Beetee asked why arent we drinking. And Dor went back to get the bottle out. After 2 glasses, Beetee & Gin went back to dive. We continued. This time we drank at the beach, with my mp3 on. 

We got crazy again... I felt so comfortable beside him. Then I pulled him up asked him to dance with me. WTF. I think I'm really drunk. He did entertain me, though. Then I felt a little tired, I hugged him, rested my head on his shoulder. Wow, what was I thinking. He didnt pushed me away. He held me back. It felt so nice. And then again, we were being interrupted by a phone call. We split, he answered his call. Then the both came up, we went back to bathe and got ready for dinner. 

We didnt really talked about what happened. It seemed like we have an understanding that it will never happen. We know there is a bond, but no way we are going further. Why is it that something so wrong can feel so right. I so want to be alone with him. I just felt nice being in his arms...

Nothing did happened, Nothing will happen. 

We just know Part 1

I have always wanted to get away from work for a while. So Gin organised a diving trip. I tagged along. Even Beetee and Dor came. Dor agreed that we stay on shore, relax & drink while both of them go diving.

I was kinda excited. Going out with friends. As planned, after their dive in the day, we had dinner and then followed by drinks that we BYO. We drank a lot. I always believe it's the company that matters. We had so much fun, and this will last for the next 3 more days. 

On the second day, Dor & I didnt wait for them. We started earlier ourselves while they dive. By dinner time, I was already high. We laughed so much and I can't really remember what shit we talked about. 

God knows where Beetee found marijuana. We all took a stick and enjoyed. We laughed extra much, talked extra loud. I really don't know what it was we were laughing about. All 4 of us were at our happiest. Towards later, Gin fell asleep on the bench. Left the 3 of us. I then realised that my keys were missing. Looked high and low for it, but still can't find. I needed to go to the front desk to get a new set. 

Dor walked me there, as he thought I might not be able to make it back. I couldnt walk straight. he held my arms. We were laughing and walking zig-zag. The journey seemed longer than usual. And then, I tripped on some stones, and found myself against the wall. Dor stopped right in front of me. He was so close, he looked into my eyes. I looked back. Somehow, the marijuana made everything else disappear. I could only felt his presence. 

There were no movement. We were both like statues at the walkway. I was breathing so loudly, I think he can hear me. Things in my mind were all so wrong, things I shouldn't even be thinking. As we were close to having things done wrongly, my phone rang. It brought us back to reality. It was Beetee, asking why we were so long. We quickly went to collect the keys and back to meet them. 

As we reached, I told them that I was tired and needed to go back to rest.