With the social networking nowadays, you cant seem to have secrets. Most of the things can be obtained from the net. Thank god no one brought their cameras into the battlefield the other day. Anyway, I found something. I saw Dr. P's status update - Dr P dont know where to start? Hmm, is he talking about me? He doesnt know where to start asking me to go out? What is it? Why do I care? I'm really not ready to go into another relationship just yet. Yes, having all that attention again is good. Every girl loves attention. I love attention too.
What do I do if he really confess? Where should we start? I dont want to start anything, I dont want to loose him as a friend either. I dont know what I want, women are just too fickle.
Today is a Thursday, my massage day. Do you think he will be there waiting for me again? Do you think we should share the same room again? Should I go today? Well, why not? I cant change my routine. So I changed and drove to my usual parlour. I felt my heart beating so fast while I push open the doors. But he wasnt there. No sight of him. I went in and had my massage.
I left for home. Logged on to FB and found a message in my inbox.
"Sorry unable to join you for massage tonight, something came up. Hope you had a great one."
Looking at the message made me think,
1) why is he telling me this?
2) has my massage routine been his routine as well?
I was puzzled, then my phone rang:
HE: Hi, how was your massage?
ME: Oh, great, just that my massuer was shock when she saw my back with those bruises
HE: I'm so sorry
ME: It's ok, u didnt do it
HE: Well, I did in a way. I asked you to play. Anyway, you free for dinner tomorrow?
ME: Should be ok
HE: Ok I'll pick you at 7
The next day seemed to be so slow. When the clock struck 5pm, I packed and left for home. I went up to dress myself. I was ready by 6pm.
in life, we imagine, dream, think, fantasize & visualize. these are my imaginations and thoughts.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
From the first day (Pt III)
The day finally came. I was all dressed up to the game. In my camouflauge shirt and my cargo pants. He said he can pick me but I thought it would be better that I drive. When I reached there, people came to say hi. They kinda recognise me, but didnt ask where hubs was. They know. Oh dear, and now I am there because of Dr. P, what would they think.
Anyway, the game started, Dr. P brought me around. He kinda protected me. Cool, it's really nice, to feel the sence of security. I didnt really shoot though. I was just hiding behind the bushes and Dr P. Then suddenly I felt pain at my back. A lot of shots. I felt my tears coming out. It was really painful. Then I heard, STOP!!!
A newbie came up from behind and attacked us. According to the rules, they are not suppose to shoot at a certain distance, and this was way too near. My back was burning. Dr. P pushed the guy down and scolded him. He was going to start a fight, but the marshals stopped him. He came up to me and pulled me up. The newbie apologised so much, I know he didnt do it on purpose, but it was really painful. I said it was ok. Just that my pain activated the tear.
We changed and the guy came up to me several times apologising. Dr. P sat next to me the whole time and he apologised too, for bringing me to this game. I said it was ok, I'm sure there wont be scars. If there is, I'll go look for him. He said he will always be there. Anyway, I packed everything and said bye to them. Dave asked how I was too and he said sorry also. Funny, it's ok, it's just a small matter. I left and went to my car. Only then I realised I left my keys on the bench. I went back and...
Dave: What are you doing? How can you scold the boy like that?
Dr P: He shouldnt shoot at that range. It's really dangerous.
Dave: Yes, we all know that. He didnt do it on purpose.
Dr P: I know, then he should learn the lesson this time
Dave: He sure did. You dont have to start a fight. You have to know your position. Is there something going on between you & her?
Dr P: Nothing is going on
Dave: You really think we dont know? There must be something.
Dr P: Nothing is going on between us. Yes, I like her, that's all and she doesn't know anything
Dave: Aha. I knew it
Dr P: Please, just don't say anything. She doesn't know anything
"Hey Jill, you still here? Thought you went home?" a guy asked from behind me. Both Dave & Dr P turned their attention to me, speechless.
ME: Hmmm... I .... ermm.... ( I was really shocked and lost of words) I left my keys, gonna take it back now.
I went pass Dave & Dr.P, to get the keys, and went straight to the car. Dr. P followed.
HE: Hi, erm, how's your back?
ME: Oh, ok, it's good.
HE: Remember to put some medicated lotion, the bruises will go off very soon
ME: Ok I will, I better get going.
HE: Erm... ok, take care.
I am really bad at this. I knew it, I knew he likes me, but when it really comes, I just dont know how to handle.
Anyway, the game started, Dr. P brought me around. He kinda protected me. Cool, it's really nice, to feel the sence of security. I didnt really shoot though. I was just hiding behind the bushes and Dr P. Then suddenly I felt pain at my back. A lot of shots. I felt my tears coming out. It was really painful. Then I heard, STOP!!!
A newbie came up from behind and attacked us. According to the rules, they are not suppose to shoot at a certain distance, and this was way too near. My back was burning. Dr. P pushed the guy down and scolded him. He was going to start a fight, but the marshals stopped him. He came up to me and pulled me up. The newbie apologised so much, I know he didnt do it on purpose, but it was really painful. I said it was ok. Just that my pain activated the tear.
We changed and the guy came up to me several times apologising. Dr. P sat next to me the whole time and he apologised too, for bringing me to this game. I said it was ok, I'm sure there wont be scars. If there is, I'll go look for him. He said he will always be there. Anyway, I packed everything and said bye to them. Dave asked how I was too and he said sorry also. Funny, it's ok, it's just a small matter. I left and went to my car. Only then I realised I left my keys on the bench. I went back and...
Dave: What are you doing? How can you scold the boy like that?
Dr P: He shouldnt shoot at that range. It's really dangerous.
Dave: Yes, we all know that. He didnt do it on purpose.
Dr P: I know, then he should learn the lesson this time
Dave: He sure did. You dont have to start a fight. You have to know your position. Is there something going on between you & her?
Dr P: Nothing is going on
Dave: You really think we dont know? There must be something.
Dr P: Nothing is going on between us. Yes, I like her, that's all and she doesn't know anything
Dave: Aha. I knew it
Dr P: Please, just don't say anything. She doesn't know anything
"Hey Jill, you still here? Thought you went home?" a guy asked from behind me. Both Dave & Dr P turned their attention to me, speechless.
ME: Hmmm... I .... ermm.... ( I was really shocked and lost of words) I left my keys, gonna take it back now.
I went pass Dave & Dr.P, to get the keys, and went straight to the car. Dr. P followed.
HE: Hi, erm, how's your back?
ME: Oh, ok, it's good.
HE: Remember to put some medicated lotion, the bruises will go off very soon
ME: Ok I will, I better get going.
HE: Erm... ok, take care.
I am really bad at this. I knew it, I knew he likes me, but when it really comes, I just dont know how to handle.
From the first day (Pt II)
It was the weekly massage day again. Then I remembered Dr.P. It has already been a week since we went massage together and shared conversations over a cup of coffee. And only then I remembered we didnt exchanged numbers. How could this happened? No wonder he hasnt called. Now how am I suppose to contact him? Or is that all? Dont think he is going to call hubs or friends to ask for my number. Me neither.
As I swung open the massage parlours door, there he was sitting there.
HE: Hi
ME: Hi, is this a coincident?
HE: Nope, I purposely came to wait for you. Hehe, no, the massuer is too good. I need to come back.
(What an excuse)
The girl at the counter said, "Hi, I'm so sorry, we do not have enough rooms. Since you know each other, can you share the twin room?
ME: Huh? Really? When is the next available time?
SHE: We close at 10, so this is the last call.
HE: It's ok, she can go in.
ME: Hmm... that's not right, you came first. You go in.
HE: Ok, I'm ok to share, if you're alright. I promise I dont snore.
Well, since I need this massage so much and thai-style can leave our clothes on, I agreed. This is kind of fast, sharing a massage room with a stranger. Dont know whether it's a good thing or bad. Anyway, I didnt sleep for that 1.5 hours again. He didnt too, and I felt him looking at me quite a number of times. I just pretended to sleep. He did removed his shirt though and yes I did took a peep while he looked the other way. He was so well built, with tattoos here & there.
After that, we went for a drink again. He finally asked for my number. We laughed and talked. I know he went there to meet me. I knew it. I was flattered.
When I reached home, I got an sms from him, "good nite, had a great night". I replied, "me too."
The next morning, fairly early in the morning, he called, asking me to join him for the game this weekend. After much persuades, I said yes and told him to make sure, no one I know goes.
As I swung open the massage parlours door, there he was sitting there.
HE: Hi
ME: Hi, is this a coincident?
HE: Nope, I purposely came to wait for you. Hehe, no, the massuer is too good. I need to come back.
(What an excuse)
The girl at the counter said, "Hi, I'm so sorry, we do not have enough rooms. Since you know each other, can you share the twin room?
ME: Huh? Really? When is the next available time?
SHE: We close at 10, so this is the last call.
HE: It's ok, she can go in.
ME: Hmm... that's not right, you came first. You go in.
HE: Ok, I'm ok to share, if you're alright. I promise I dont snore.
Well, since I need this massage so much and thai-style can leave our clothes on, I agreed. This is kind of fast, sharing a massage room with a stranger. Dont know whether it's a good thing or bad. Anyway, I didnt sleep for that 1.5 hours again. He didnt too, and I felt him looking at me quite a number of times. I just pretended to sleep. He did removed his shirt though and yes I did took a peep while he looked the other way. He was so well built, with tattoos here & there.
After that, we went for a drink again. He finally asked for my number. We laughed and talked. I know he went there to meet me. I knew it. I was flattered.
When I reached home, I got an sms from him, "good nite, had a great night". I replied, "me too."
The next morning, fairly early in the morning, he called, asking me to join him for the game this weekend. After much persuades, I said yes and told him to make sure, no one I know goes.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
From the first day (Pt I)
I have known Doc since 2 years ago. We were introduced over coffee by my husband. I do see him once in a while when I go play paintball with him. Either than that, nope. I have a good impression of him, and was kinda attracted to him. I felt he was attracted to me too. Well, dont doubt a woman's sensitivity. We just know it. And since I have been divorced, we dont see each other anymore and I did not think of him much too. Well, dont expect me to call him and ask him for a drink. That is just not me.
Only until last week, I met him in the mall. I was going there for my weekly massage and ran into him. I was going up the elevator while he was going down. We exchanged our "hellos" and that's it. I looked back, he came up behind me. I waited for him.
HE: Hi, havent seen you in a while. How're you?
ME: Hi, I'm good. You?
HE: Very good. Where you going?
ME: Oh, I'm going for a massage. Wanna join? (just asking casually)
HE: Sure. Where?
I was surprised. It's weird to invite him to a massage, it was weirder for him to join.
I brought him in and we went to our separate rooms for an hour and a half of relaxing massage. For the whole 1.5 hours, I didnt sleep. I was just thinking about him. Why? The 1.5 hours seemed longer than usual. After it ended, I quickly dressed up and checked my hair then went to meet him. He just got out of his room too.
ME: How was it?
HE: Great, I slept like a pig. Did you hear me snore?
ME: Hahaha, nope. Lucky we didnt share room
HE: Just kidding, I dont snore. Okay, now, let's go for a drink
ME: Drink? Like this? (refering to my dressing - I was wearing shorts)
HE: Hello... drink as in a coffee, not the alcohol drinking
*I can feel myself blushing*
We went to Starbucks and talked. He knew that I was divorced. He knew quite a lot about us. I expected Hubs to tell them all the bad things bout me, instead, he didnt say anything. He just said I'm a nice girl and things just didnt work out for us. Hmm... that's better. He was right, it was nothing bad that we have done. No affairs, no men no women. Just mutual agreement that we were not meant for each other.
He even invited me to paintball, which I totally have no interest in. Well, another reason is that I just felt weird seeing hubs there. I went there before and we were husband and wife, now if I go, it'll be weird and there will be so much talking about us behind. Forget it. "Dont worry, Jay doesnt play anymore."
Wow, can he read my mine or what? He answered directly to my thoughts. I smiled and agreed, but definitely not in the near future. Not now. Maybe after a month or two. So after an hour of talking, we finally left for home, separately.
Only until last week, I met him in the mall. I was going there for my weekly massage and ran into him. I was going up the elevator while he was going down. We exchanged our "hellos" and that's it. I looked back, he came up behind me. I waited for him.
HE: Hi, havent seen you in a while. How're you?
ME: Hi, I'm good. You?
HE: Very good. Where you going?
ME: Oh, I'm going for a massage. Wanna join? (just asking casually)
HE: Sure. Where?
I was surprised. It's weird to invite him to a massage, it was weirder for him to join.
I brought him in and we went to our separate rooms for an hour and a half of relaxing massage. For the whole 1.5 hours, I didnt sleep. I was just thinking about him. Why? The 1.5 hours seemed longer than usual. After it ended, I quickly dressed up and checked my hair then went to meet him. He just got out of his room too.
ME: How was it?
HE: Great, I slept like a pig. Did you hear me snore?
ME: Hahaha, nope. Lucky we didnt share room
HE: Just kidding, I dont snore. Okay, now, let's go for a drink
ME: Drink? Like this? (refering to my dressing - I was wearing shorts)
HE: Hello... drink as in a coffee, not the alcohol drinking
*I can feel myself blushing*
We went to Starbucks and talked. He knew that I was divorced. He knew quite a lot about us. I expected Hubs to tell them all the bad things bout me, instead, he didnt say anything. He just said I'm a nice girl and things just didnt work out for us. Hmm... that's better. He was right, it was nothing bad that we have done. No affairs, no men no women. Just mutual agreement that we were not meant for each other.
He even invited me to paintball, which I totally have no interest in. Well, another reason is that I just felt weird seeing hubs there. I went there before and we were husband and wife, now if I go, it'll be weird and there will be so much talking about us behind. Forget it. "Dont worry, Jay doesnt play anymore."
Wow, can he read my mine or what? He answered directly to my thoughts. I smiled and agreed, but definitely not in the near future. Not now. Maybe after a month or two. So after an hour of talking, we finally left for home, separately.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Didnt You Know? Pt III
20 minutes later, I was all dressed and went over to press on Ed's room bell. Ed opened the door, he looked great. I havent seen looking so good for a long time. He came out and closed the doors behind him. I was puzzled, "Where's little missy?" "Oh, she need to go look for her relative, she left." "Oh dear, poor fella, so you're left alone. haha. ok then, let's celebrate being left alone."
He brought me to a posh restaurant. I'm surprised he knows his way around so well. He looked different today, extra caring. Well, I know he cares about me a lot, but today is different. He made me felt like his girl. Hmm, maybe he is just being caring now that I am all alone in a foreign land. As I was about to order, he stopped me and said he will order for me. Oooh... taking control huh. I dont mind, I sat and listen. He ordered all of my favorites. He knows I dont like wine, he ordered rose. After dinner, we finished 2 bottles. We shared a lot. We have had lots of dinners together, but this one was special. I have never felt so close to him before. Or maybe it was the culprit - the 2 bottles of rose.
Anyway, he paid the bill and we made our way to a bar near by. It was a very nice bar, packed. People were dancing and drinking and chatting away. We continued drinking, just cocktails. He ordered everything for me. He took good care of me for the whole of tonight.
We danced and talked and laughed so much. We were swaying away, still laughing, but I couldnt recall what we were laughing or talking about. Was I that drunk? Nope, I know what's happening, I know he is Ed. I know he is my very good friend. I know nothing is going to happen between us. I know... I know... I didnt know I can be so relax and comfortable with him.
I think must be the alcohol level rising, we got closer to each other. We were never this close. I can actually smell his cologne. We continued dancing, and the place was too packed. Then I felt someone pushed me, and then Ed held me in his arms. It felt so good, I didnt want to get out of them. I had to, he pulled me back and whispered, "You are so beautiful." He kissed me on my forehead. I didnt know what to say or do. But it just felt so special. Then only did I realised, we were meant for each other...
He brought me to a posh restaurant. I'm surprised he knows his way around so well. He looked different today, extra caring. Well, I know he cares about me a lot, but today is different. He made me felt like his girl. Hmm, maybe he is just being caring now that I am all alone in a foreign land. As I was about to order, he stopped me and said he will order for me. Oooh... taking control huh. I dont mind, I sat and listen. He ordered all of my favorites. He knows I dont like wine, he ordered rose. After dinner, we finished 2 bottles. We shared a lot. We have had lots of dinners together, but this one was special. I have never felt so close to him before. Or maybe it was the culprit - the 2 bottles of rose.
Anyway, he paid the bill and we made our way to a bar near by. It was a very nice bar, packed. People were dancing and drinking and chatting away. We continued drinking, just cocktails. He ordered everything for me. He took good care of me for the whole of tonight.
We danced and talked and laughed so much. We were swaying away, still laughing, but I couldnt recall what we were laughing or talking about. Was I that drunk? Nope, I know what's happening, I know he is Ed. I know he is my very good friend. I know nothing is going to happen between us. I know... I know... I didnt know I can be so relax and comfortable with him.
I think must be the alcohol level rising, we got closer to each other. We were never this close. I can actually smell his cologne. We continued dancing, and the place was too packed. Then I felt someone pushed me, and then Ed held me in his arms. It felt so good, I didnt want to get out of them. I had to, he pulled me back and whispered, "You are so beautiful." He kissed me on my forehead. I didnt know what to say or do. But it just felt so special. Then only did I realised, we were meant for each other...
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Didnt You Know? Pt II
"Calling all passenger. MH118 flying Macau is now ready for boarding." The attendant called out and we boarded.
After 5 and a half hours of flying, we finally arrived at the Macau International Airport. The weather was great, not too cold not too hot. Just right for someone who is afraid of cold like me. We checked in at the Wynn Hotel. The rooms were great, not to mention the bed. I sorted out everything, our toilettries, our clothes and others.
He kissed me, and we hugged ourselves, lying on the bed. Just as things were getting hotter, his phone rang. It was his sister, it was an emergency call. I can tell from the look on his face and the tone of his voice.
HE: My mum is in the hospital, I need to go
ME: Oh dear, how is she? Is she ok? You better go
HE: I dont know, she fainted and is unconcious now
ME: I'll go with you
HE: No, please dont. It's ok. I want you to have this holiday, please dont waste it
ME: I cant be on a holiday when you are home worrying for your mum
HE: She will be fine. I'll call you once I get everything organised ok? I'm so sorry
He kissed me and left for the airport. Well, it's already a waste that he left...
I laid on the bed overlooking the sea. It was beautiful. The pool was great. Looking at MGM, I dozed off.
It was the phone that woke me. It was Ed, asking if we were ready for dinner. He asked me whether we have had our special moment. I told him everything and he hung up and came over.
Ed: How can he leave like that?
Me: Well, his mum is in the hospital, what do you expect him to do?
Ed: So, what you going to do now?
Me: Me? I'm continuing this holiday, like he wanted me to
Ed: Ok, dont worry, I'll make this a good holiday for you
Me: You? How? Hahaha, you've got a little missy in your room ok?
Ed: Why? 3 cannot enjoy is it? Get changed and we'll go have a great dinner
Me: Alright, be there in 20 minutes
After 5 and a half hours of flying, we finally arrived at the Macau International Airport. The weather was great, not too cold not too hot. Just right for someone who is afraid of cold like me. We checked in at the Wynn Hotel. The rooms were great, not to mention the bed. I sorted out everything, our toilettries, our clothes and others.
He kissed me, and we hugged ourselves, lying on the bed. Just as things were getting hotter, his phone rang. It was his sister, it was an emergency call. I can tell from the look on his face and the tone of his voice.
HE: My mum is in the hospital, I need to go
ME: Oh dear, how is she? Is she ok? You better go
HE: I dont know, she fainted and is unconcious now
ME: I'll go with you
HE: No, please dont. It's ok. I want you to have this holiday, please dont waste it
ME: I cant be on a holiday when you are home worrying for your mum
HE: She will be fine. I'll call you once I get everything organised ok? I'm so sorry
He kissed me and left for the airport. Well, it's already a waste that he left...
I laid on the bed overlooking the sea. It was beautiful. The pool was great. Looking at MGM, I dozed off.
It was the phone that woke me. It was Ed, asking if we were ready for dinner. He asked me whether we have had our special moment. I told him everything and he hung up and came over.
Ed: How can he leave like that?
Me: Well, his mum is in the hospital, what do you expect him to do?
Ed: So, what you going to do now?
Me: Me? I'm continuing this holiday, like he wanted me to
Ed: Ok, dont worry, I'll make this a good holiday for you
Me: You? How? Hahaha, you've got a little missy in your room ok?
Ed: Why? 3 cannot enjoy is it? Get changed and we'll go have a great dinner
Me: Alright, be there in 20 minutes
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Didn't You Know? Pt 1
Dave is really the man of my dreams, tall, smart, good looking, well built and proper. Maybe a little too proper, that sometimes I need to pretend a little. Anyway, it has been months I waited for him to finally ask me out. We went on dates, for dinners, to clubbings, but no sex yet. We wanted to wait for the right moment (ya right).
These months Ed was with me all the while, sort of helping me get Dave. He was supportive. Ed and I have been friends for a long long time. We were really good buddies - just friends. Ed has too many girlfriends and it just didnt cross my mind of being with him at all.
He would help me out with what Dave was thinking, he would tell me all of men's view. He would choose clothes that men would love to see me in. He would create conversations for me. You name it, Ed solves it. The thing is I feel so comfortable with Ed, that I dont have to bother about my make up, I dont worry about my hair, I eat wings with my hands, blah blah blah. He was like the other brother to me. Sometimes he would even spend nights in my house.
Whenever I need him, he will be there for me. Sometimes when I think about it, it makes me feel like we're a couple. He treats me too good, well, he treats all women good. Shouldnt be surprise.
As I was having my daily call with Ed, my next line rang - it was Dave. I hung up on Ed. Dave's voice was sweet like always. He told me that he has taken the long weekend off and that we should go on a holiday. Wow, I thought that was a great idea. He will be bringing me to Macau - doesnt sound too romantic though, but it was our first holiday. And that would mean "our right moment".
As I hung up, I quickyly redialled Ed's number and told him bout the holiday. He was happy for me, and told me that he would love to join us. Well, why not? It would be more fun, obviously he will be bringing a girl.
I was glad that Dave like the idea of Ed joining us. I am sure this is going to be a fun filled trip, on a holiday with the guy of my dreams and my best buddy. What more do I want? Anyway I was so excited packing my stuff and all. We're flying the coming weekend.
These months Ed was with me all the while, sort of helping me get Dave. He was supportive. Ed and I have been friends for a long long time. We were really good buddies - just friends. Ed has too many girlfriends and it just didnt cross my mind of being with him at all.
He would help me out with what Dave was thinking, he would tell me all of men's view. He would choose clothes that men would love to see me in. He would create conversations for me. You name it, Ed solves it. The thing is I feel so comfortable with Ed, that I dont have to bother about my make up, I dont worry about my hair, I eat wings with my hands, blah blah blah. He was like the other brother to me. Sometimes he would even spend nights in my house.
Whenever I need him, he will be there for me. Sometimes when I think about it, it makes me feel like we're a couple. He treats me too good, well, he treats all women good. Shouldnt be surprise.
As I was having my daily call with Ed, my next line rang - it was Dave. I hung up on Ed. Dave's voice was sweet like always. He told me that he has taken the long weekend off and that we should go on a holiday. Wow, I thought that was a great idea. He will be bringing me to Macau - doesnt sound too romantic though, but it was our first holiday. And that would mean "our right moment".
As I hung up, I quickyly redialled Ed's number and told him bout the holiday. He was happy for me, and told me that he would love to join us. Well, why not? It would be more fun, obviously he will be bringing a girl.
I was glad that Dave like the idea of Ed joining us. I am sure this is going to be a fun filled trip, on a holiday with the guy of my dreams and my best buddy. What more do I want? Anyway I was so excited packing my stuff and all. We're flying the coming weekend.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
One Weekend Away IV
"Hey, how long were you here? Why didnt you wake me?" I can feel myself blushing.
"It's ok, I know you are tired from the flight. How was it? You like it here?"
Who doesnt?, I thought to myself. "It's beautiful. Nice"
"Go change, I'll bring you to the beach." He didnt mentioned where he was, why he asked me here. He didnt explain much, and that moment I felt cheap. Why had I flown all the way here to sleep with him? What does he think of me?
Well, I dont have much choice now that I am already here, might as well enjoy myself to the fullest. I unpacked my stuff. I followed his steps - the clothes, the shoes and the toilettries. I changed into my red bikini, tied a white beach scarf on the hip. I came out, he was already in his beach wear, a blue and white bermudas. He looked at me, stunned for a while, but went back to look cool again. I packed some stuff and we left the room.
As we were walking, he held my hands. I didnt move away. His hands were warm and it made me feel secure. Suddenly we felt so carefree. It seemed like we have leave our lives back home, and we are just us in Maldives. I was alone, I can do whatever I want. He has no wife, he is the man I want. We felt the connection, we are so connected.
When we reached the beach, we sat at a corner. The sand was so soft, I thought it was carpet. The water was crystal clear. The sun was shinning brightly, but not too hot though. I took out my sun screen. Before I apply, he came over and took it from my hand. He squeezed some on to his palm and asked me to lie on my chest. He rubbed the sunscreen on my back. It felt great. He massaged me a little. I just couldnt explain the feeling. He touched me so gently. After he finished my back, he continued with my legs. As he moved his hands to my thigh, I felt the urge to hold him. As I was enjoying, he asked me to turn to the front. I laid there obediently and allowed him to do whatever he wanted to. He almost touched every inch of my body. He paid so much attention to what he was doing. I was a little shy to look at him though. I felt great.
"My turn" he passed the sunscreen to me and laid down. I did the same, I think I covered more parts of his body than he did to me. I know he loved it, I can see he had a hard on. We were both waiting for the other to make the first move. Finally, he took my hands and pulled me to the sea. Once in the water, he touched me more, parts that he didnt when he applied the sunscreen. I did too. We were hugging each other, touching and caressing. There werent many people in the water with us. I guess that's the privilege of staying in a god-damn-expensive 5 star hotel.
Finally I made the first move, for the first time, "Can we go back to the room?"
We put on our robes, and headed straight for the room. We were in a hurry, we kind of ran. In the elevator, we didnt care about the cctv, he just kissed me all over, and started caressing me again. When the elevator door opened, we walked across the lobby straight to our room. There was a nearer way back, but I guessed we missed the turn somewhere, we had to use the long way. Oh dear.
We opened the door and made love...
"It's ok, I know you are tired from the flight. How was it? You like it here?"
Who doesnt?, I thought to myself. "It's beautiful. Nice"
"Go change, I'll bring you to the beach." He didnt mentioned where he was, why he asked me here. He didnt explain much, and that moment I felt cheap. Why had I flown all the way here to sleep with him? What does he think of me?
Well, I dont have much choice now that I am already here, might as well enjoy myself to the fullest. I unpacked my stuff. I followed his steps - the clothes, the shoes and the toilettries. I changed into my red bikini, tied a white beach scarf on the hip. I came out, he was already in his beach wear, a blue and white bermudas. He looked at me, stunned for a while, but went back to look cool again. I packed some stuff and we left the room.
As we were walking, he held my hands. I didnt move away. His hands were warm and it made me feel secure. Suddenly we felt so carefree. It seemed like we have leave our lives back home, and we are just us in Maldives. I was alone, I can do whatever I want. He has no wife, he is the man I want. We felt the connection, we are so connected.
When we reached the beach, we sat at a corner. The sand was so soft, I thought it was carpet. The water was crystal clear. The sun was shinning brightly, but not too hot though. I took out my sun screen. Before I apply, he came over and took it from my hand. He squeezed some on to his palm and asked me to lie on my chest. He rubbed the sunscreen on my back. It felt great. He massaged me a little. I just couldnt explain the feeling. He touched me so gently. After he finished my back, he continued with my legs. As he moved his hands to my thigh, I felt the urge to hold him. As I was enjoying, he asked me to turn to the front. I laid there obediently and allowed him to do whatever he wanted to. He almost touched every inch of my body. He paid so much attention to what he was doing. I was a little shy to look at him though. I felt great.
"My turn" he passed the sunscreen to me and laid down. I did the same, I think I covered more parts of his body than he did to me. I know he loved it, I can see he had a hard on. We were both waiting for the other to make the first move. Finally, he took my hands and pulled me to the sea. Once in the water, he touched me more, parts that he didnt when he applied the sunscreen. I did too. We were hugging each other, touching and caressing. There werent many people in the water with us. I guess that's the privilege of staying in a god-damn-expensive 5 star hotel.
Finally I made the first move, for the first time, "Can we go back to the room?"
We put on our robes, and headed straight for the room. We were in a hurry, we kind of ran. In the elevator, we didnt care about the cctv, he just kissed me all over, and started caressing me again. When the elevator door opened, we walked across the lobby straight to our room. There was a nearer way back, but I guessed we missed the turn somewhere, we had to use the long way. Oh dear.
We opened the door and made love...
One Weekend Away III
Getting on to the plane made me think am I doing the right thing. Agreeing to go on this trip is crazy. I am excited though.
When I reached the island, I climbed on to a cab, showed him the hotel that Niz gave me. He smiled and was on the road. Polite man. The journey wasnt too long. I was really impressed by this guy. He is so mysterious and he makes all the decisions himself. The most important thing is, he has good taste and expensive.
Looking at the name of the hotel, I assumed it was some kind of 3 star hotel, but to my surprised Coco Palm Dhunikolhu is a beautiful 5 star hotel. I would normally go online to check on the hotel, but this time, I was in such a hurry. The corcierge helped me with my luggage and I went straight to the check in. God, what am I supposed to tell them? I didnt know Niz full name. But when they saw me, they greeted me by my name and gave me the keys to room 9008. Impressive, I'm getting more and more excited.
The corcierge walked me to the room. I meant the chalet. It was right in the middle of the water. It was so nice, I wanted to scream. But I need to hold myself together. I opened the door to the most beautiful room I have even been to. I tipped the corcierge and he closed the door behind him. Niz was not there, I couldnt be bother at that moment. I went to explore the room. The bed looked comfortable with drapes around the wooden frame. The bathroom was open air. The balcony was right on top of the water. I thought I was dreaming, but no, these are all real. Oh talking about real, where is Niz?
He is a neat person. I can tell by the way he kept the room. His clothes were neatly hung in the cupboard. His shoes were nicely lined behind the door. His toiletries were arranged in a straight line by the mirror. I didnt unpacked yet. Didnt know whether I should or not. Am I sleeping in this room? What should I do now? Am I supposed to sit here until he returns? I was searching for notes, maybe there is another that directs me to meet him, or at least to tell me what to do. Nothing.
I dare not sit on the bed. I went to the balcony and sat on the chair. The jacuzzi there was filled with water. There were candles beside it. Hmm, he sure knows how to enjoy life. Somehow the breeze made my eyelids heavy. Soon enough, I dozed off. I didnt know how long I took the nap, but when I opened my eyes, Niz was right in front of me. He was sitting there looking at me, sleep. How embarassing.
When I reached the island, I climbed on to a cab, showed him the hotel that Niz gave me. He smiled and was on the road. Polite man. The journey wasnt too long. I was really impressed by this guy. He is so mysterious and he makes all the decisions himself. The most important thing is, he has good taste and expensive.
Looking at the name of the hotel, I assumed it was some kind of 3 star hotel, but to my surprised Coco Palm Dhunikolhu is a beautiful 5 star hotel. I would normally go online to check on the hotel, but this time, I was in such a hurry. The corcierge helped me with my luggage and I went straight to the check in. God, what am I supposed to tell them? I didnt know Niz full name. But when they saw me, they greeted me by my name and gave me the keys to room 9008. Impressive, I'm getting more and more excited.
The corcierge walked me to the room. I meant the chalet. It was right in the middle of the water. It was so nice, I wanted to scream. But I need to hold myself together. I opened the door to the most beautiful room I have even been to. I tipped the corcierge and he closed the door behind him. Niz was not there, I couldnt be bother at that moment. I went to explore the room. The bed looked comfortable with drapes around the wooden frame. The bathroom was open air. The balcony was right on top of the water. I thought I was dreaming, but no, these are all real. Oh talking about real, where is Niz?
He is a neat person. I can tell by the way he kept the room. His clothes were neatly hung in the cupboard. His shoes were nicely lined behind the door. His toiletries were arranged in a straight line by the mirror. I didnt unpacked yet. Didnt know whether I should or not. Am I sleeping in this room? What should I do now? Am I supposed to sit here until he returns? I was searching for notes, maybe there is another that directs me to meet him, or at least to tell me what to do. Nothing.
I dare not sit on the bed. I went to the balcony and sat on the chair. The jacuzzi there was filled with water. There were candles beside it. Hmm, he sure knows how to enjoy life. Somehow the breeze made my eyelids heavy. Soon enough, I dozed off. I didnt know how long I took the nap, but when I opened my eyes, Niz was right in front of me. He was sitting there looking at me, sleep. How embarassing.
One Weekend Away II
"Hi, you look beautiful" he said.
"Thanks."
"I've ordered for you actually, hope you will like it."
"Oh" speechless, he is obviously a male chauvinist. but I wasnt unhappy though, kind of exciting.
We started with champagne - Moet Chandon, expensive taste he has. He started digging information about me, mostly. We laughed, we chatted for a while before the food came. It was grilled salmon - nice. After food and more drinks, we were both a little tipsy. He jokingly invited me to a getaway, and I jokingly agreed. We both felt the connection, there was something about us that just clicked. We got along well, better than I've imagined.
We ended the dinner at around 11pm, he walked me out to my car. I opened the door, and turned to say goodbye. There he was right behind me, so closed I could feel his breathe. He stared into my eyes, he was coming closer, gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered good night into my ear. I went into my car and he closed the door.
The next morning, I woke up extra early to dress up for work. I looked a little prettier than usual, wanting to impress him. For the whole day, he was no where to be seen. I tried to call the office while I was out for lunch. Our operator, Amy told me that he was on a one week break. Funny, he didnt tell me last night. A real MC, I thought.
As I continued to work through the day, Amy intercom me asking me to go to the front desk to collect a registered mail. I opened it and it was a ticket to Maldives this coming weekend. I was stunned. I searched for some note or something that can tell me what this is all about. There was and it read,
Oh dear, I remembered. It was Niz's invitation over the champagne last night. Damn. I did say yes. What should I do? Should I go? Is this right? He is married, what the hell was I thinking. I didnt know he was serious. I quickly picked up my phone to call him, but there was no response. I think he might be there already. How am I suppose to get him?
These questions kept wandering in my head. I have another 38 hours to decide. Oh dear. I did not tell anyone, not even Gina. No one knows about this. I went home, looked at the ticket again and again. Should I or shouldnt I? Weighing the pros and cons. Finally, I made up my mind and went to bed early.
I reached the office like any other day. After a cup of coffee and some cookies, I went to the HR. I applied for a week leave. Purpose - emergency...
I went home to pack my stuff... carefully and waited for that 18 hours to go by.
"Thanks."
"I've ordered for you actually, hope you will like it."
"Oh" speechless, he is obviously a male chauvinist. but I wasnt unhappy though, kind of exciting.
We started with champagne - Moet Chandon, expensive taste he has. He started digging information about me, mostly. We laughed, we chatted for a while before the food came. It was grilled salmon - nice. After food and more drinks, we were both a little tipsy. He jokingly invited me to a getaway, and I jokingly agreed. We both felt the connection, there was something about us that just clicked. We got along well, better than I've imagined.
We ended the dinner at around 11pm, he walked me out to my car. I opened the door, and turned to say goodbye. There he was right behind me, so closed I could feel his breathe. He stared into my eyes, he was coming closer, gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered good night into my ear. I went into my car and he closed the door.
The next morning, I woke up extra early to dress up for work. I looked a little prettier than usual, wanting to impress him. For the whole day, he was no where to be seen. I tried to call the office while I was out for lunch. Our operator, Amy told me that he was on a one week break. Funny, he didnt tell me last night. A real MC, I thought.
As I continued to work through the day, Amy intercom me asking me to go to the front desk to collect a registered mail. I opened it and it was a ticket to Maldives this coming weekend. I was stunned. I searched for some note or something that can tell me what this is all about. There was and it read,
"See you on the island. Be prepared for a great getaway."
Oh dear, I remembered. It was Niz's invitation over the champagne last night. Damn. I did say yes. What should I do? Should I go? Is this right? He is married, what the hell was I thinking. I didnt know he was serious. I quickly picked up my phone to call him, but there was no response. I think he might be there already. How am I suppose to get him?
These questions kept wandering in my head. I have another 38 hours to decide. Oh dear. I did not tell anyone, not even Gina. No one knows about this. I went home, looked at the ticket again and again. Should I or shouldnt I? Weighing the pros and cons. Finally, I made up my mind and went to bed early.
I reached the office like any other day. After a cup of coffee and some cookies, I went to the HR. I applied for a week leave. Purpose - emergency...
I went home to pack my stuff... carefully and waited for that 18 hours to go by.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
One Weekend Away
Getting on to the plane made me think am I doing the right thing. Agreeing to go on this trip is crazy.
We work in the same firm. Niz is in the corporate side, while I'm in the account department. He noticed me the day I joined. Well, I always think I'm attractive, and pretty in some ways. He, on the other hand looks great too. Not bad for a married man. We do not communicate much at first, as his and my department dont interact too much. We didnt really talk, I guess we were both afraid of having rumours in the company. We do have small talks when we meet in the pantry or at the corridors.
One day, as usual I checked my inbox. There was a mail from Niz. Funny, as we do not have work related. I clicked it open, it was short, just one line that read, "Dinner @ The Posh, 7pm. See you." I looked at it for a moment, didnt know what to reply. Is this a date? Just the 2 of us or the whole office is going? It was a bit weird, I have not really talked to him, we did not even eat in the pantry together. What should I reply him? Or should I just ignore him? That was rude.
I finally clicked on the reply button, "see ya." After work, I went home. There was still ample time for me to dress up - a little. Jeans & t-shirt? Too casual. Dress? Too formal. Not really, I picked a grey dress, knee length, slipped into my 3-inch heels. Little make up, I never like having tonnes of makeup on my face.
Within 10 minutes I reached The Posh. The name tells it all, the restaurant was really posh, well at least it looked posh from the outside. I parked my car and went in. It was posh, even on the inside. The ambience was great, great for couples who doesnt want to be seen. The man at the desk asked if I have a reservation, and assuming he has, I told him, "Niz". "Oh, great, Mr Niz is here waiting. Let me walk you to the table."
There he was sitting at the corner - alone. A table for 2, so I assume, it's just us. I went over, "Hi"
We work in the same firm. Niz is in the corporate side, while I'm in the account department. He noticed me the day I joined. Well, I always think I'm attractive, and pretty in some ways. He, on the other hand looks great too. Not bad for a married man. We do not communicate much at first, as his and my department dont interact too much. We didnt really talk, I guess we were both afraid of having rumours in the company. We do have small talks when we meet in the pantry or at the corridors.
One day, as usual I checked my inbox. There was a mail from Niz. Funny, as we do not have work related. I clicked it open, it was short, just one line that read, "Dinner @ The Posh, 7pm. See you." I looked at it for a moment, didnt know what to reply. Is this a date? Just the 2 of us or the whole office is going? It was a bit weird, I have not really talked to him, we did not even eat in the pantry together. What should I reply him? Or should I just ignore him? That was rude.
I finally clicked on the reply button, "see ya." After work, I went home. There was still ample time for me to dress up - a little. Jeans & t-shirt? Too casual. Dress? Too formal. Not really, I picked a grey dress, knee length, slipped into my 3-inch heels. Little make up, I never like having tonnes of makeup on my face.
Within 10 minutes I reached The Posh. The name tells it all, the restaurant was really posh, well at least it looked posh from the outside. I parked my car and went in. It was posh, even on the inside. The ambience was great, great for couples who doesnt want to be seen. The man at the desk asked if I have a reservation, and assuming he has, I told him, "Niz". "Oh, great, Mr Niz is here waiting. Let me walk you to the table."
There he was sitting at the corner - alone. A table for 2, so I assume, it's just us. I went over, "Hi"
Undying Love III
Silence filled the space. Everything seemed to stood still. The people around us were suddenly disappeared. All there was, were the both of us and the bracelet. My thoughts were filled with memories. 13 years - 4745 days, excluding leap years. That is a very long time.
"You still remember this?" he asked, and that brought me back to reality.
I looked up at him, not knowing what to say.
"I kept it all these years, this was the thing I treasure most. I remember you telling me how nice this looked on my hand. I remember you have the exact same one. I remember you asking me treasure it."
Wow, he does remember a lot. I felt numb, I felt my body out of place, my hands were not mine, my legs were to numb to stand, my mouth couldnt speak a word. I just couldnt concentrate. I guess he knew I was stunned. He didnt say another word, instead he took out another box. A light blue box, with a white ribbon over "Tiffany & Co.". I took it, opened it. It was a bracelet - silver & extremely pretty.
"I know you are no more keeping yours, this is a new one I'm giving you. To mark US" he said, showing me the exact same one he was wearing on his left hand.
He then held both my hands. I was trying really hard to keep my tears from falling. I was so touched, never before. After dinner, we went home and finally, we changed our 13 years of friendship into a relationship of love.
"You still remember this?" he asked, and that brought me back to reality.
I looked up at him, not knowing what to say.
"I kept it all these years, this was the thing I treasure most. I remember you telling me how nice this looked on my hand. I remember you have the exact same one. I remember you asking me treasure it."
Wow, he does remember a lot. I felt numb, I felt my body out of place, my hands were not mine, my legs were to numb to stand, my mouth couldnt speak a word. I just couldnt concentrate. I guess he knew I was stunned. He didnt say another word, instead he took out another box. A light blue box, with a white ribbon over "Tiffany & Co.". I took it, opened it. It was a bracelet - silver & extremely pretty.
"I know you are no more keeping yours, this is a new one I'm giving you. To mark US" he said, showing me the exact same one he was wearing on his left hand.
He then held both my hands. I was trying really hard to keep my tears from falling. I was so touched, never before. After dinner, we went home and finally, we changed our 13 years of friendship into a relationship of love.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Undying Love II
My mobile rang, it was him again. Thanks to the creation of caller id, I have been avoiding his calls. I dont know why. Not that anything had happened, the other night. Or had he done anything bad to me. I just didnt know how to face him again. Knowing him for so long, I cannot imagine being in front of him - full monty. It'll be weird, really weird.
Come to think of it, I am really crazy. For that, do I have to loose a friend? Loose a friend whom I have known for more than a decade? I finally found my guts to call him back that night. Funny thing was his first question to me, "Are you drunk?" I suddenly felt my face turned red... He knew it all the while that I was avoiding his call, and for me to call him, I would have been drunk.
Anyway, I was glad I made that call. It was great, we talked and shared a lot of things. Not a single word was mention about that night. But he told me he would give his best to make me change my mind about being with him. Well, I guess that's nothing I could do.
Days and months went by, we were okay. Living lives as friends, very good friends. Then one rainy day, he called me asking me for dinner. Why not? We always have dinners and lunch together. Just another dinner.
He rang my door bell at 6 sharp. Hmm, how was I supposed to get ready that early. I opened the door for him. He looked extremely cute that night. The white shirt made his face look fresher. Neat. I asked if this was some kind of date, cause he normally comes in tshirt & jeans. He just smiled and sat on the sofa.
I quickly went into the room to get dressed. I already took out my jeans & tshirt, but on second thoughts, maybe I should redress myself. I took out my blue dress, not too short, long enough to cover my knees. Ready togo. "Where we going?" Silence...
Madness, why isnt he answering me? This is getting more annoying.
When we reach the restaurant, I was impressed. The surrounding was great, tall trees, plants everywhere. It looked a little spooky though. The ambience was great. He acted a little funny. After our desserts, he gave me a present. A small box, not too small. I opened it. I think I stood still with time for about a minute looking at what was in there.
Then my memories came back... I dont remember it. I have not thought of it, I have totally forgotten about this.
It was a bracelet (silver) I gave him about 13 years ago. I had one too. He is still keeping it? I didnt know where mine went. I totally forgot about this. It was the exact same one. How can someone keep a thing for such a long time? Not to mention a man...
Come to think of it, I am really crazy. For that, do I have to loose a friend? Loose a friend whom I have known for more than a decade? I finally found my guts to call him back that night. Funny thing was his first question to me, "Are you drunk?" I suddenly felt my face turned red... He knew it all the while that I was avoiding his call, and for me to call him, I would have been drunk.
Anyway, I was glad I made that call. It was great, we talked and shared a lot of things. Not a single word was mention about that night. But he told me he would give his best to make me change my mind about being with him. Well, I guess that's nothing I could do.
Days and months went by, we were okay. Living lives as friends, very good friends. Then one rainy day, he called me asking me for dinner. Why not? We always have dinners and lunch together. Just another dinner.
He rang my door bell at 6 sharp. Hmm, how was I supposed to get ready that early. I opened the door for him. He looked extremely cute that night. The white shirt made his face look fresher. Neat. I asked if this was some kind of date, cause he normally comes in tshirt & jeans. He just smiled and sat on the sofa.
I quickly went into the room to get dressed. I already took out my jeans & tshirt, but on second thoughts, maybe I should redress myself. I took out my blue dress, not too short, long enough to cover my knees. Ready togo. "Where we going?" Silence...
Madness, why isnt he answering me? This is getting more annoying.
When we reach the restaurant, I was impressed. The surrounding was great, tall trees, plants everywhere. It looked a little spooky though. The ambience was great. He acted a little funny. After our desserts, he gave me a present. A small box, not too small. I opened it. I think I stood still with time for about a minute looking at what was in there.
Then my memories came back... I dont remember it. I have not thought of it, I have totally forgotten about this.
It was a bracelet (silver) I gave him about 13 years ago. I had one too. He is still keeping it? I didnt know where mine went. I totally forgot about this. It was the exact same one. How can someone keep a thing for such a long time? Not to mention a man...
Friday, February 20, 2009
Undying Love I
Must be the 2 bottles of rosѐ that made me pressed the 'send' button on my mobile. I havent called him in years and ....
Ed: Hello
Me: Hey, it's me, what u doing?
Ed: Nothing, just sitting at home watching tv. What's up? What made u call me at this time?
Me: Hmm, nothing... *silence*
Ed: U there? Are you drunk or something?
Me: *laugh* drunk? Are you kidding me? I drank, but not enough to get me drunk.
Ed: So where are you now?
Me: Me? I'm driving. Home
Ed: Oh... Your place's near my house right?
Me: Yup, hey, u alone? Since I havent been to your new place, can I drop by now?
Ed: Sure, come over, I will send u my address now. Just tell the security my house number.
We hung up and I thought to myself, "am I mad? What the hell was I doing? How can I do this? Why am I doing this? What have gotten into me?" Beep beep, the sound of the sms interupted my thoughts. It was his address.
I was shocked what alcohol had made me do. Anyway, while I was finding those answers to my questions, I realised I was in front of his guards, the guard asked me to go straight and take the first right turn, his house is on the left.
I stood in my car for a good minute before the gate opened. I guess the guard must have intercom telling him that his "supper" has arrived. How disgrace? But I was only dropping by to see his new house and well, we havent met for like 10 years, arent there things to share?
He came out. He looked as good as always. I came out of the car. I nearly couldnt stand up right. And at that moment, I didnt know whether it was the alcohol or the nervousness that made me cant stand right. Anyway, he waited and we walked into his beautiful home.
It was surprising how a bachelor could keep his house that clean and tidy. No extensive renovation, simple and nice. I liked it. He showed me around his house - the kitchen, the backyard, the garden, the living and his room. Cozy.
We then went back to the living, where he was watching CNN. I didnt know he was a news person. After a few minutes of chatting, I asked if he had anything to drink. I asked for wine, cause I hate to mix alcohol. But he hadnt kept any wine at home, he offered whiskey and brandy. I told him brandy will do. We drank and drank and lost the time.
He got closer, and closer. And I dont know how I ended up in his arms. He kissed me, and I didnt pushed him away. I kissed him back and everything started so fast I couldnt remember when and how. And when he unbuttoned my jeans, I pushed him away. I cant do that. I cannot do this not because I am divorce, but I didnt want to hurt his feelings again. He has loved me for so many years, and I dont deserve him.
He pulled me back so hard he didnt want to let me go. I forced myself out and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I woke. I opened the door, he was right there. He apologised, I said it's ok. Well, it wasnt so much of his fault, though. I was the one who called and went to him in the middle of the night. Who is at fault?
I took my bag and left.
I know he didnt do it on purpose. He is a normal man, after a few drinks there is a need, I understand. Moreover, he has loved me for all these years. And he knew I was divorced. There is no problem with seeing someone else. He hasnt been with a girl long enough to tell people she is the one, cause they are not me. I have never really fallen in love with him. But it's always nice to know that there is someone out there who still loves you despite you being married with 2 kids or until now divorced.
Ed: Hello
Me: Hey, it's me, what u doing?
Ed: Nothing, just sitting at home watching tv. What's up? What made u call me at this time?
Me: Hmm, nothing... *silence*
Ed: U there? Are you drunk or something?
Me: *laugh* drunk? Are you kidding me? I drank, but not enough to get me drunk.
Ed: So where are you now?
Me: Me? I'm driving. Home
Ed: Oh... Your place's near my house right?
Me: Yup, hey, u alone? Since I havent been to your new place, can I drop by now?
Ed: Sure, come over, I will send u my address now. Just tell the security my house number.
We hung up and I thought to myself, "am I mad? What the hell was I doing? How can I do this? Why am I doing this? What have gotten into me?" Beep beep, the sound of the sms interupted my thoughts. It was his address.
I was shocked what alcohol had made me do. Anyway, while I was finding those answers to my questions, I realised I was in front of his guards, the guard asked me to go straight and take the first right turn, his house is on the left.
I stood in my car for a good minute before the gate opened. I guess the guard must have intercom telling him that his "supper" has arrived. How disgrace? But I was only dropping by to see his new house and well, we havent met for like 10 years, arent there things to share?
He came out. He looked as good as always. I came out of the car. I nearly couldnt stand up right. And at that moment, I didnt know whether it was the alcohol or the nervousness that made me cant stand right. Anyway, he waited and we walked into his beautiful home.
It was surprising how a bachelor could keep his house that clean and tidy. No extensive renovation, simple and nice. I liked it. He showed me around his house - the kitchen, the backyard, the garden, the living and his room. Cozy.
We then went back to the living, where he was watching CNN. I didnt know he was a news person. After a few minutes of chatting, I asked if he had anything to drink. I asked for wine, cause I hate to mix alcohol. But he hadnt kept any wine at home, he offered whiskey and brandy. I told him brandy will do. We drank and drank and lost the time.
He got closer, and closer. And I dont know how I ended up in his arms. He kissed me, and I didnt pushed him away. I kissed him back and everything started so fast I couldnt remember when and how. And when he unbuttoned my jeans, I pushed him away. I cant do that. I cannot do this not because I am divorce, but I didnt want to hurt his feelings again. He has loved me for so many years, and I dont deserve him.
He pulled me back so hard he didnt want to let me go. I forced myself out and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I woke. I opened the door, he was right there. He apologised, I said it's ok. Well, it wasnt so much of his fault, though. I was the one who called and went to him in the middle of the night. Who is at fault?
I took my bag and left.
I know he didnt do it on purpose. He is a normal man, after a few drinks there is a need, I understand. Moreover, he has loved me for all these years. And he knew I was divorced. There is no problem with seeing someone else. He hasnt been with a girl long enough to tell people she is the one, cause they are not me. I have never really fallen in love with him. But it's always nice to know that there is someone out there who still loves you despite you being married with 2 kids or until now divorced.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What is Right? (Part V)
I cannot be hiding anymore. I drove to The Maze. There they were, the usual bunch of people. Daniel was no where at sight. Had a few drinks and there I was talking to Steve. Suddenly, Daniel came up to us, "can you excuse us for a second?" he told Steve. Steve politely left us.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"I did not. I was just busy."
"Bullshit. Come on, I'm not a kid. I know what is going on? Why do you have to do this to me? I have never been like this. You know me more than anyone. I will not do this to any women. I know I have many girls before, but you changed me, I know what I want."
"It's impossible. What bout my kids? How can a person like you change for me?"
"You know I love them as much as you do. I will treat them like mine."
"It's easier said than done."
"You are always like that. Jump to conclusion without giving me a chance to prove."
*Silence*
"Dont lie to yourself. I know you have feelings for me. Tell me, do you love me?"
Sigh... "No"
He held me in his hands, looked me in the eyes, "Tell me, do you love me?"
"No I dont."
He let go of me, walked away. It hurts me as much. There we were in the same drinking joint and yet no talking. We sat in 2 separate places. I was talking to the bunch while he, in another corner with some chick. I couldnt pay attention to what they were talking about, I just drank and thought. Once in a while, I would unconsciously turn my head to his direction.
After an hour or so while I was still drinking and thinking, Daniel came over and introduced his newly met friend to us, "Hi guys, this is Jane, I'm sending her home. Chowee." I said bye and turned back to my drink. I felt a sudden cut in my heart. For the next hour, I was drinking more than I usually do. This is so unlike me. I am always conscious and will make sure I am 100% sober before I drive home, but that night I was not myself. Something was wrong, do I really love him? Did I fall for him? When was that?
I looked at my watch, it was close to 130am. I told them I wanted to make a move, they stopped me and told me I was not in the position to drive. It was too dangerous, but I assured them I was okay. I went to take my car and didnt know how I ended up outside Daniel's house. I know he wont be in. He left with that girl, obviously he is somewhere sharing the bed with her. I stopped there for a good 5 minutes.
Then I left for home. I parked my car and went up. When the elevator door opened, I walked to my apartment door, drunk as I was. When I reached the door, I saw Daniel. He was there. He looked up and said, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright, wanted to see you home safe and sound. I'll go now." He walked passed me. His shoulder brushed mine. I turned to hold his hand.
We then went into my house and continue what we have not finished the other night.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"I did not. I was just busy."
"Bullshit. Come on, I'm not a kid. I know what is going on? Why do you have to do this to me? I have never been like this. You know me more than anyone. I will not do this to any women. I know I have many girls before, but you changed me, I know what I want."
"It's impossible. What bout my kids? How can a person like you change for me?"
"You know I love them as much as you do. I will treat them like mine."
"It's easier said than done."
"You are always like that. Jump to conclusion without giving me a chance to prove."
*Silence*
"Dont lie to yourself. I know you have feelings for me. Tell me, do you love me?"
Sigh... "No"
He held me in his hands, looked me in the eyes, "Tell me, do you love me?"
"No I dont."
He let go of me, walked away. It hurts me as much. There we were in the same drinking joint and yet no talking. We sat in 2 separate places. I was talking to the bunch while he, in another corner with some chick. I couldnt pay attention to what they were talking about, I just drank and thought. Once in a while, I would unconsciously turn my head to his direction.
After an hour or so while I was still drinking and thinking, Daniel came over and introduced his newly met friend to us, "Hi guys, this is Jane, I'm sending her home. Chowee." I said bye and turned back to my drink. I felt a sudden cut in my heart. For the next hour, I was drinking more than I usually do. This is so unlike me. I am always conscious and will make sure I am 100% sober before I drive home, but that night I was not myself. Something was wrong, do I really love him? Did I fall for him? When was that?
I looked at my watch, it was close to 130am. I told them I wanted to make a move, they stopped me and told me I was not in the position to drive. It was too dangerous, but I assured them I was okay. I went to take my car and didnt know how I ended up outside Daniel's house. I know he wont be in. He left with that girl, obviously he is somewhere sharing the bed with her. I stopped there for a good 5 minutes.
Then I left for home. I parked my car and went up. When the elevator door opened, I walked to my apartment door, drunk as I was. When I reached the door, I saw Daniel. He was there. He looked up and said, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright, wanted to see you home safe and sound. I'll go now." He walked passed me. His shoulder brushed mine. I turned to hold his hand.
We then went into my house and continue what we have not finished the other night.
What is Right? (Part IV)
I woke up the next day, he was gone. I started thinking, a lot. There has been so much in my mind.
"Does he really love me?" "Is he saying this to every girl?" "Is he saying this just to make me sleep with him?" "If it's real and I accept him, what happen to my kids?" "What if my kids dont like him?" "What are the future of my kids?" Blah blah blah... There were endless questions in my mind and no where I can find answers. Oh dear.
My thoughts were again being interupted by my mobile. The caller ID showed his name. I was hesitating whether or not I should pick up. I did and told him I was in a meeting, will call him back later. Only after I hung up did I realised it was a Sunday. Damn.
Days have past. Endless calls, same answers - either I was busy or I didnt pick up. No more outings like before. In fact, to come to think of it, I have not seen him for almost a week from that night. Nothing stopped him from calling. He even sms me asking why was I avoiding him. He wants to talk to me.
I just couldnt... well, at least until I find the answers. I kind of missed those days, though.
"Does he really love me?" "Is he saying this to every girl?" "Is he saying this just to make me sleep with him?" "If it's real and I accept him, what happen to my kids?" "What if my kids dont like him?" "What are the future of my kids?" Blah blah blah... There were endless questions in my mind and no where I can find answers. Oh dear.
My thoughts were again being interupted by my mobile. The caller ID showed his name. I was hesitating whether or not I should pick up. I did and told him I was in a meeting, will call him back later. Only after I hung up did I realised it was a Sunday. Damn.
Days have past. Endless calls, same answers - either I was busy or I didnt pick up. No more outings like before. In fact, to come to think of it, I have not seen him for almost a week from that night. Nothing stopped him from calling. He even sms me asking why was I avoiding him. He wants to talk to me.
I just couldnt... well, at least until I find the answers. I kind of missed those days, though.
Friday, November 21, 2008
What is Right? (Part III)
I was already fast asleep when my mobile's sms alerted me. It was from Daniel. Then the sms string went like this:-
D: I cant sleep
M: I'm sleeping already. Tired. Down some red, you'll sleep soon
Silent... after a while I heard my front door opening and closing. I thought Daniel might have left. It's ok, he is always weird. I closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep again, but I was worried. Feeling a little tipsy, I opened my room door, my tv was still on. I went out but Daniel wasnt there.
Suddenly I heard my fridge door close, I turned my head to find Daniel standing outside my kitchen with a glass of red wine in his hands. We stood there looking at each other. He put the glass on the table and walked up to me. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me closed. I have never been so closed to him. It felt great. He placed his face on mine. It was warm and nice. He came so close to me, his lips brushed my cheeks. I suddenly came to conscious and pushed him away.
Where is that line? Why have we crossed it? I dont want to change anything. I dont want the line to be crossed. I told him, "Hey, if you think I am one of your girls, sorry. Forget it and just leave."
He came up to me again and said, "I know who you are, I know what I am doing. You are not those girls, you are different. I love you, you know that. I cant stand anymore, I dont want to be your brother or just a good friend. I want to be with you, I want you."
"Please, just wake up. you have too much wine. Get yourself together and we will talk tomorrow. Go wash your face, you sleep here. I am going my mum's."
"Dont go. Ask yourself. Do you love me? Do you dare to say you have no feelings for me?"
"No, I dont. Leave me alone." He came up and grabbed me in his arms. He kissed me. I tried to push him away but I was too weak. Before I knew it, we were already in bed. He pulled me close. It has been a long time since I have been so close to a man. I missed it. I could feel his warmth. It's nice.
The whole room was filled with love. I couldnt think much, or maybe I just chose not to think too much. What is happening then is just too good to resist. Just when he was about to be in me, I again pushed him away. I told him to stop. I want to stop...
D: I cant sleep
M: I'm sleeping already. Tired. Down some red, you'll sleep soon
Silent... after a while I heard my front door opening and closing. I thought Daniel might have left. It's ok, he is always weird. I closed my eyes, hoping to fall asleep again, but I was worried. Feeling a little tipsy, I opened my room door, my tv was still on. I went out but Daniel wasnt there.
Suddenly I heard my fridge door close, I turned my head to find Daniel standing outside my kitchen with a glass of red wine in his hands. We stood there looking at each other. He put the glass on the table and walked up to me. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me closed. I have never been so closed to him. It felt great. He placed his face on mine. It was warm and nice. He came so close to me, his lips brushed my cheeks. I suddenly came to conscious and pushed him away.
Where is that line? Why have we crossed it? I dont want to change anything. I dont want the line to be crossed. I told him, "Hey, if you think I am one of your girls, sorry. Forget it and just leave."
He came up to me again and said, "I know who you are, I know what I am doing. You are not those girls, you are different. I love you, you know that. I cant stand anymore, I dont want to be your brother or just a good friend. I want to be with you, I want you."
"Please, just wake up. you have too much wine. Get yourself together and we will talk tomorrow. Go wash your face, you sleep here. I am going my mum's."
"Dont go. Ask yourself. Do you love me? Do you dare to say you have no feelings for me?"
"No, I dont. Leave me alone." He came up and grabbed me in his arms. He kissed me. I tried to push him away but I was too weak. Before I knew it, we were already in bed. He pulled me close. It has been a long time since I have been so close to a man. I missed it. I could feel his warmth. It's nice.
The whole room was filled with love. I couldnt think much, or maybe I just chose not to think too much. What is happening then is just too good to resist. Just when he was about to be in me, I again pushed him away. I told him to stop. I want to stop...
What is Right? (Part II)
It was Jay's birthday. As usual Daniel came to pick me from my house. It was a little weird this night. He gave me a bouquet of red roses - told me it was not meant for me actually, just that Liz doesnt want them. Anyway, on the way, he told me I looked beautiful. Hmm, I didnt put extra make up, not a new dress, didnt do my hair. I was just as I was always.
When we were The Maze, he was extra caring. We enjoyed a lot. We drank a lot but not enough to make me drunk. I was feeling a little tipsy. We danced like we always do. We chatted. After lots of photo taking and cakes and liquor, it was time to go home.
I asked Daniel to make sure he wants to send me home and not Liz... I thought he might wanna let it off that night. After assuring me of sending me home, I was pleased. As sometimes, the people that sends me home are boring. And after a tired night, you wouldnt have the energy to start talking to them.
He drove extra slow that day. We talked a lot. I told him I need a fag, he hates people smoking in his car. So he stopped his car by the road side. We both shared one ciggaratte as we didnt want to stay on the road for too long. At that very moment, we just leaned against his car, not a word was spoken. We just looked up the sky, enjoyed the breeze and silence and finished the ciggarette.
We went into the car and headed home. He parked his car, got down and walked me up. He is always like that. That's why so many girls fall for him. He will make sure you are safe and sound before he leaves. Before he left, he asked if he could stay for the night - just that he doesnt want to be alone.
I invited him in. Well it's not the first time he spend the night in my house. He will have full access to my house, except my bedroom. He laid on the sofa, got himself a bottle of red and switched the channel to CNBC. I left him there and went to wash myself up.
When we were The Maze, he was extra caring. We enjoyed a lot. We drank a lot but not enough to make me drunk. I was feeling a little tipsy. We danced like we always do. We chatted. After lots of photo taking and cakes and liquor, it was time to go home.
I asked Daniel to make sure he wants to send me home and not Liz... I thought he might wanna let it off that night. After assuring me of sending me home, I was pleased. As sometimes, the people that sends me home are boring. And after a tired night, you wouldnt have the energy to start talking to them.
He drove extra slow that day. We talked a lot. I told him I need a fag, he hates people smoking in his car. So he stopped his car by the road side. We both shared one ciggaratte as we didnt want to stay on the road for too long. At that very moment, we just leaned against his car, not a word was spoken. We just looked up the sky, enjoyed the breeze and silence and finished the ciggarette.
We went into the car and headed home. He parked his car, got down and walked me up. He is always like that. That's why so many girls fall for him. He will make sure you are safe and sound before he leaves. Before he left, he asked if he could stay for the night - just that he doesnt want to be alone.
I invited him in. Well it's not the first time he spend the night in my house. He will have full access to my house, except my bedroom. He laid on the sofa, got himself a bottle of red and switched the channel to CNBC. I left him there and went to wash myself up.
What is Right? Part I
Since the divorce, I have been really happy. I finally get to live a life that I want. I love my kids, I can go anywhere I want without telling anybody. I have all the freedom I want. I live in my own apartment, drive my own car, spend my own money, live my own life.
I am not seeing anyone, not dating any guy. My love of my life are my 2 beautiful kids. I dont care what people think. I go out party and tell everyone that I'm a divorcee with 2 kids. I dont mind. I have a group of good friends - particularly a guy friend whom I treat like my brother. Daniel is a great guy. He is rich, smart, good looking and caring.
Of course with criteria like those, he has many girls around him. I am one of them, the only difference is I dont sleep with him. We are just friends, good friends. We share everything. I know who he spent the night with, I know who he likes, I know who he hates. He knows almost everything about me too. We talked about work, family, money, world, life, sex, just anything. There is an obvious line between us that we know we will not cross.
Anyway, he always come to pick me up to any parties... It's good, although sometimes he might get a substitute to drive me home, when he finds his catch. I dont mind, as long as I reached home safe and sound.
He will once in a while buy me gifts, small small gift as a token of our friendship.
It has been like this for the past 8 months. Our friendship has grown into a brother and sister relationship.
Until one fine day...
I am not seeing anyone, not dating any guy. My love of my life are my 2 beautiful kids. I dont care what people think. I go out party and tell everyone that I'm a divorcee with 2 kids. I dont mind. I have a group of good friends - particularly a guy friend whom I treat like my brother. Daniel is a great guy. He is rich, smart, good looking and caring.
Of course with criteria like those, he has many girls around him. I am one of them, the only difference is I dont sleep with him. We are just friends, good friends. We share everything. I know who he spent the night with, I know who he likes, I know who he hates. He knows almost everything about me too. We talked about work, family, money, world, life, sex, just anything. There is an obvious line between us that we know we will not cross.
Anyway, he always come to pick me up to any parties... It's good, although sometimes he might get a substitute to drive me home, when he finds his catch. I dont mind, as long as I reached home safe and sound.
He will once in a while buy me gifts, small small gift as a token of our friendship.
It has been like this for the past 8 months. Our friendship has grown into a brother and sister relationship.
Until one fine day...
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Do You Still Love Me?
It has been quite a while since I last went out to party. After giving birth to my 2nd one, I am like being grounded 24/7. It's really difficult to actually be alone when you have 2 big responsibilities in life. Well, today he left for work in Penang, so I thought I might as well go out and release a bit of stress. I called Jee and we went out for a drink.
People has been telling me how good I look after having the 2nd baby. I felt it too. I know I am prettier in some ways. I am glad being 30 and still attractive.
I stepped into the club, and wow, I am so outdated. Everything is so different, different from the time I went out. I kind of felt being in another world. But it was okay. Guys talk to me and I kind of enjoyed a little. I drank a bit, not to extend of puking. I'm sober. Whenever I am out, I tend to look around. What is it that I'm looking for? *Giggle*. I'm trying to find him, I have always thought of seeing him, but slim chance, he never like these places. He always say he is too old for these.
Anyway, as I was taking a sip of the bourbon, I felt a pat on my shoulder. I turned around to see Harry. I was speechless. He came so close to my ear and said, "I finally found you." I stood there stunt for 10 seconds before collecting myself.
I dont know how we ended in the cafe upstairs chatting over a cup of tea. After an hour of talking, exchanging informations, I still cant answer his question of why I changed my number. Finally, he asked again.
H: Why did you change your number?
M: I don't know. Please understand. It's really difficult for me to contact you anymore.
H: Why cant we still be friends? You know the last thing I want is to not see you.
M: I know, but does it matter now? You are married and so am I
H: Married cannot have friends?
M: Harry, I know it's not right to say these, but I still love you a lot. I do, even now that I have 2 kids. It's really hard for me to continue seeing you as this will make me feel really bad - not being able to be with you. I dont know how you 'men' feel towards these, but for me, I just cant.
H: Sorry for hurting you again.
M: You are not hurting me. I love to see you, I feel great with you. If possible I want to be with you 24/7, but everything is just not right. We have missed the chance years ago. I have always thought, what would it be like if I see you again. I'm too afraid to meet you. I know it'll take years for me to put you down again.
H: Ok I understand.
M: There is just one thing I want to ask. Do you still love me?
H: Does it matter?
M: Yes it does to me.
H: Whether it's a yes or no, you will still feel as hurt, so why want to know?
M: You are right. I will never know the answer. Maybe it's better this way
H: Can I send you home? Since you are not driving
M: Sure
Wow, I didnt even realised it's so late. The clock shows 2am. We went into his car and not a word was spoken. It's funny. What's on both our minds? What were we both thinking at that moment? We stopped at a traffic light. I turned to him and said, "Can I have a hug?"
He gave me a big hug. We hugged so much, I didnt want to let him go. My face was so close to his. Unconsciously, I moved my cheek to his. It felt so great, so warm. He kissed me. I dont know how we ended kissing each other. He touched me, it felt so good. It has been such a long while...
"Shall we?" he asked.
I nodded, I did get the answer after all...
People has been telling me how good I look after having the 2nd baby. I felt it too. I know I am prettier in some ways. I am glad being 30 and still attractive.
I stepped into the club, and wow, I am so outdated. Everything is so different, different from the time I went out. I kind of felt being in another world. But it was okay. Guys talk to me and I kind of enjoyed a little. I drank a bit, not to extend of puking. I'm sober. Whenever I am out, I tend to look around. What is it that I'm looking for? *Giggle*. I'm trying to find him, I have always thought of seeing him, but slim chance, he never like these places. He always say he is too old for these.
Anyway, as I was taking a sip of the bourbon, I felt a pat on my shoulder. I turned around to see Harry. I was speechless. He came so close to my ear and said, "I finally found you." I stood there stunt for 10 seconds before collecting myself.
I dont know how we ended in the cafe upstairs chatting over a cup of tea. After an hour of talking, exchanging informations, I still cant answer his question of why I changed my number. Finally, he asked again.
H: Why did you change your number?
M: I don't know. Please understand. It's really difficult for me to contact you anymore.
H: Why cant we still be friends? You know the last thing I want is to not see you.
M: I know, but does it matter now? You are married and so am I
H: Married cannot have friends?
M: Harry, I know it's not right to say these, but I still love you a lot. I do, even now that I have 2 kids. It's really hard for me to continue seeing you as this will make me feel really bad - not being able to be with you. I dont know how you 'men' feel towards these, but for me, I just cant.
H: Sorry for hurting you again.
M: You are not hurting me. I love to see you, I feel great with you. If possible I want to be with you 24/7, but everything is just not right. We have missed the chance years ago. I have always thought, what would it be like if I see you again. I'm too afraid to meet you. I know it'll take years for me to put you down again.
H: Ok I understand.
M: There is just one thing I want to ask. Do you still love me?
H: Does it matter?
M: Yes it does to me.
H: Whether it's a yes or no, you will still feel as hurt, so why want to know?
M: You are right. I will never know the answer. Maybe it's better this way
H: Can I send you home? Since you are not driving
M: Sure
Wow, I didnt even realised it's so late. The clock shows 2am. We went into his car and not a word was spoken. It's funny. What's on both our minds? What were we both thinking at that moment? We stopped at a traffic light. I turned to him and said, "Can I have a hug?"
He gave me a big hug. We hugged so much, I didnt want to let him go. My face was so close to his. Unconsciously, I moved my cheek to his. It felt so great, so warm. He kissed me. I dont know how we ended kissing each other. He touched me, it felt so good. It has been such a long while...
"Shall we?" he asked.
I nodded, I did get the answer after all...
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